Uncomfortable Seasons in Small Business

What do I desire for life and business?

At the beginning of entrepreneurship we’re pivoting and changing direction a lot. Trying new things to see what works. We’re experimenting and evolving constantly. But, what happens when we get tired of evolving? What happens when changing directions feels so risky?

Summer isn’t budging. It seems to be dragging on and I know we’re in for another month or two of heat here in Arkansas. As much as I love summer I’m tired of it. That sounds so sad to say.

I’ve tried “living in the present”, not letting myself get caught up in the want for Fall. I’ve tried embracing daily walks and time outside thinking if I can just acclimate the heat then I’ll enjoy it more. We’ve spent many days at the pool, we’ve had cocktails on the patio, we’ve tried embracing summer. But the truth is I don’t like heat and I’m exhausted thinking about the many weeks of heat left ahead.

Honestly, I’ve moved on. I’m designing really beautiful Halloween decor boards on Pinterest and dreaming of soup recipes for Fall. I’m designing our gift wrapping for Christmas and picking out cozy sweaters for the cold months.

Mentally, emotionally, I am anywhere but here - in the heat of summer. It’s uncomfortable.

It’s uncomfortable to feel like I should be enjoying this season and yet, I’m not.

My last letter to you said I’d be taking the week of and that week actually became a month. I realized I needed rest. Oddly, not because things were crazy busy, but because I was tired. A soulful kind of tired that is hard to express. Tired of being persistent, tired of evolving, tired of trying. And so I paused.

The pause helped. I micro-organized most every nook and cranny of our house. I marked off really odd home maintenance things like flip the mattress and power wash our house. I deleted email from my phone then permanently deleted my facebook and instagram accounts. I made several decisions that have felt really overwhelming for a very long time. I spent time with friends. I made friendship bracelets and braided key chains. I started a collage project that reminds me of being in 5th grade again! I followed what intrigued me. I rested.

And I trusted. I hoped. I hoped that at the end of the month I’d have renewed energy and clarity. And I do. Sort of.

I’m not rushing forward with excitement. It feels more like I’m dipping my toe back into business and asking the question “what do I desire?” over and over.

What do I desire?

What makes me happy?

What would make me happy?

What would I do if I wasn’t scared?

This last question is sticking with me.

Change feels like a bigger risk at this stage in business.

At the beginning of entrepreneurship we’re pivoting and changing direction a lot. Trying new things to see what works. We’re experimenting and evolving constantly. But, what happens when we get tired of evolving? What happens when changing directions feels so risky?

Perhaps there comes a time when we need to take all the lessons we’ve learned as entrepreneurs and revisit a younger version of ourselves to see what risk she would have been brave enough to take. What would I do if I wasn’t scared?

What would you do if you weren’t scared?